The only thing I love more than a clever hack is a useful, clever hack.

...but couldn't you fix the "server not responding" page by adding a negative lookahead for " is not responding" at the end of your regex?

Here's a link documenting the negative lookahead construct and another one providing ways to fake up a lookbehind in case you need it:
http://www.javascriptkit.com/javatutors/redev2....
http://blog.stevenlevithan.com/archives/mimic-l...