// ==UserScript==
// @name Record Corrector
// @namespace http://axlotl.net/greasemonkey
// @description addresses adjectival omissions
// @include *
// @exclude can't think of any.
// ==/UserScript==
/*
http://www.google.com/search?q=define%3A%20corrector
May I suggest especially: http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/
License: GPL: http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/gpl.html
Idea: Stephan Wehner
Code: Chris Feldmann, sciolist.
*/
/*
* put them into an array, and in binds your hands because you can't
* have conditionals in replacement functions (except sort of via $` and $').
* We've got these types:
*
* format example expected result
*---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* title name president bush president and war criminal bush
* name bush dimwit
* nickname lewis('scooter') libby lewis('asshole') libby
* first lastname paul wolfowitz paul wolfowitz, war criminal,
* lastname bush noted torturer bush
*/
function correctify(node)
{
if( node.nodeType == 3){
txt = node.data;
//GM_log(node.data);
try{
/*
* president bush
*/
txt = txt.replace(new RegExp(/(president)\s(george\s)?(bush)/i), "$1 (and " + pick(phrases) + ") $3");
/*
* Vice president cheney
*/
txt = txt.replace(new RegExp(/((vice(-|\s)president)\s(dick\s)?(cheney))/gi), "$2 and " + pick(phrases) + "$4 $5");
/*
* dick cheney
*/
txt = txt.replace(new RegExp(/(dick)\s(cheney)/gi), " $1 (\'" + pick(epithets) + "\') $2");
/*
* Lewis ('scooter') libby
*/
txt = txt.replace(new RegExp(/[("'](scooter)['")]/gi), " \'" + pick(epithets) + "\' ");
/*
* donald rumsfeld
*/
txt = txt.replace(new RegExp(/(donald)?\s(rumsfeld)/gi), "$2, " + pick(phrases));
/*
* alberto gonzales
*/
txt = txt.replace(new RegExp(/(attorney\sgeneral)?\s(alberto)(\sr\.)?\s(gonzales)/gi), "$1 and " +pick(phrases) + "$2 R. $4");
/*
* scott mcclellan
*/
txt = txt.replace(new RegExp(/(scott)\s(mcclellan)/gi), "$1 (\'" + pick(epithets) + "\') $2");
/*
* paul wolfowitz
*/
txt = txt.replace(new RegExp(/(paul)?\s(wolfowitz)/gi), "$1 (\'" + pick(epithets) + "\') $2");
/*
* The cuddly Karl Rove
*/
txt = txt.replace(new RegExp(/(karl)\s(rove)/gi), "$1 (\'" + pick(epithets) + "\') $2");
/*
* President
*/
txt = txt.replace(/((?!vice)[\w\s-]{5}|the\s)(president[^iy])/gi, "$1" + pick(adjectives) + " $2");
/*
* commander in chief
*/
txt = txt.replace(/commander\s(in\schief)/ig, pick(epithets) + " $1");
/*
* george bush
*/
txt = txt.replace(new RegExp(/(george\s)([^h]|[w\.\s]{0,4})(bush)/gi), pick(phrases) + " $1 $3");
//GM_log(txt);
node.replaceData(0, node.length, txt);
} catch (e){}
} else {
children = node.childNodes;
for (k = 0; k < children.length; k++){
correctify( children[k]);
}
}
}
var phrases = new Array( "war criminal ",
"wire-tapper ",
"admitted torturer ",
"noted dissembler ",
"despotic milquetoast ",
"ugsome yucky ",
"corporate tool ",
"crinite mouth-breather ",
"gormless neandertal ",
"incogitant belligerent ",
"fractious knuckle-dragger ",
"scrofulous cur ",
"malarky emitter ",
"known philodox ",
"running dog ",
"least common denominator ",
"missing link ",
"pinguid stinky ",
"supperating miscreant ",
"odious dullard ",
"irascible mooncalf ",
"malodorous punchinello ",
"microcephalic factotum ",
"farsical martinet ",
"shameful buffoon ",
"petulant lizzard ",
"unctuous nincompoop ",
"delusional Baptist ",
"snivelling lickspittle ",
"force for evil ",
"tyranical troglodyte ",
"irksome nettle ",
"craven boot-scraping ",
"loathsome scurrier ",
"flasehood repeater ",
"bad witch of the west ",
"vernicious knid ",
"moronic inferno ",
"power-mad lunatic ",
"insufferable deceiver ",
"bombastic lackey "
);
var adjectives = new Array("god-damned ",
"so-called ",
"despised ",
"delusional ",
"messianic ",
"hebetudinous ",
"incult ",
"theocratic ",
"plutocratic ",
"execrable ",
"benighted ",
"reprobate ",
"ugsome ",
"monomaniacal ",
"jejune ",
"irksome ",
"ridiculous ",
"lying ",
"mendacious ",
"untruthful ",
"wince-inducing "
);
var epithets = new Array( "fucker",
"dimwit",
"numbnuts",
"chickenhawk",
"cokehead",
"nudnik",
"scalawag",
"simpleton",
"moron",
"scourge",
"simpleton",
"stooge",
"nightmare",
"troglodyte",
"tyrant",
"fibber",
"liar",
"no-goodnik"
);
var pick = function(arr){
return arr[Math.round(Math.random() * (arr.length - 1))];
}
var parens = document.getElementsByTagName("p");
for( i=0; i< parens.length; i++){
correctify(parens[i]);
}
